sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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