I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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