i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
