Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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