he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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