I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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