yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
