This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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