i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dignity is for republicans.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
