I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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