covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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