he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
