at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
