I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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