this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
