I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
