my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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