We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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