why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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