I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Randomize
