In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize