Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
