Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
