never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
