You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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