The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
