Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did i walk over a car last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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