Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
