I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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