I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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