I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
