sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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