how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
