i wish my penis had a tongue
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
