Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She bit a glass in half.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
