Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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