I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
