Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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