She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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