So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
