Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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