It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
