dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
