a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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