He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
