Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
