the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
