I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
