A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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