i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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