you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
