i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I sprained my soul last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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