I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
