put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
