Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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