I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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