WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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